The words I want to say

I still miss you, Gaa, and will always love you. I miss the way you would smile at me through your pain, I miss the way you felt proud of me for every little crappy picture I colored or drew for you and I even miss the way you would open wrapping paper. Even though I know tears won't bring you back, I wish they would because there is so much I miss about you and so much I would like to show you and I want you to see how much I've changed, the friend's I've made and how much I've grown from that tiny little girl who would sit by the window with you. It's been six years without you and I still think about you, how painful it is to listen to certain songs. And the one thing I don't want to remember is the morning when I walked into your room and saw you weren't there...that second I knew something a little girl shouldn't at seven (or eight...). There was still so much I wanted to say to you, so much more time for us to spend time and cuddle and for you just to love me and there is still so much I want to say. You know, every-time I walk into Dad's room I see the hospital style bed you slept in and then it fades.

I may be an arrogant teenager who hasn't thought of you till six years too late but I want you to know I do miss you and love you...you will always have a special place in my heart...I'll always remember that. Even when I'm making out with somebody or cuddling with the stuffed animal you gave me when I sleep, it's my new sleep toy and even though I'm thirteen I feel happy to have something to remember you by. "She wanted you kids to have these." Nana said those words as she handed me and Damon the stuffed animals you had bought us and I will never forget them, or you. You will always be there and I will never EVER regret or feel embarrassed about commemorating you. I love you...always will. <3 Where-ever I am, you're with me. I hope you're happy with where you are.