Airplanes
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Airplanes pass a girl in the sky
And her soul reaches a hand to follow it;
She wishes so to look down and
See people like little ants and
Look out the windows at the night sky
Eye to eye with the hazy clouds she sees in her dreams.
Such an odd wish to be in an airplane during such an hour
To see the darkness on the ground envelope her in metal; safe yet cold...and uncaring.
As she creeps inside to the house of white chalk hue,
She has not one single premonition of the guilt to come.
(c) 2011 CW
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Tonight while I took the trash out, I saw an airplane fly so close in the sky I could clearly make out the tail-lights. It made me wonder and wish what would happen if I could climb into it's cargo and curl up and sleep while it took me away...it made me think about how I would feel about being away from the people I love and the life I lead.
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Also, Ashleigh called like three times 'cause, first, her phone died on her, second, her mom's phone dropped the call and then, last, because she was on her way and couldn't drag away her mom's phone while it was charging. :PP Nana was cooking dinner while Ashleigh came in the door too, she went into MAX pissy mood. It was like, "Dude,I have a friend RIGHT THERE. Are you blind? I see glasses on your face...use them and don't embarrass me while I have a friend in the house!" (DUDE that could be a poem but onto the situation.) After a minute or two of holding up Ashleigh's brother Jeremy, I spoke up and said "I can always take a plastic container." She replied with "Where are any?" (venom in her tone) and then ,out of midget miraculousness,I pulled one out of the counter and left the house.
I thought I would never get out of that place, gosh. But now I feel bad 'cause she actually took the time to cook and then I ditched her. I'll apologize in the car tomorrow or when I get home...I won't regret my leaving as I bet I will have fun tomorrow at the driving range (golf stuff, boring I know.) but I'll still apologize to make my consistence clear and have her see I really do appreciate what she does for me and I know I was wrong to leave and that I'm sorry to abuse her like I did. I feel her pain now, and it hurts :'((
Because I turned my back
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The yelling...
The fits...
The burning anger that turns into isolation.
At first, I brushed you away without a single thought roaming my mind,
But as the moments ticked away slowly
And my brain comprehended the situation at hand,
I too felt the isolation...as if I was the one laying alone.
I know now that sorry won't put out the flame in your heart or take away last night,
But accept my apology and know I always feel for you
In anger or sadness
And that I appreciate all that you do for me, our family, and yourself importantly.
Please listen as these words roll off this page like mist
Because they overflow from my heart and I want you to listen,
To realize the guilt inside that I feel.
This guilt is a toxic lullaby I swallow with remorse
Because I turned my back for a mere second.
(c) 2011 CW
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Victor got a girlfriend...guess who. Ashleigh.
I was just getting a feeling for him but when he's not around I'm just me, I'm fine on my own :// LOLZ I feel like a full human being without any arms around me. Yes, it does feel like you have wings on your feet and your dreaming when your in love but you really are dreaming; love doesn't last forever and sadly, I have dealt with such a fall to the ground painfully. I have now felt like a solid human being for three months now and I won't fall from that high a pillar again, NEVER again.
No matter how much I love them...the people you love the most you hurt the most and I'm still sorting out the situation with Elyssa. She does love me and it makes me smile to think she's found someone special but when it's me it's like...I can't make her happy 'cause my whole heart isn't in the relationship and I hate to think of her crying, it makes me cringe in sudden heartache. But, I want out of this...so I too can find happiness. She just wasn't meant for me, and never will be but I hope that after she heals we can be friends cause I really do love her as a friend and never will forget how she much she cared for me even though I protected her for the longest time.
NIGHT ~ hope I didn't bore you with my cruel and insensitive situations I get myself into. :PP lolz have a good night ~chuuuu
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