Dear Blog,
We got our choir shirts yesterday. Wanna know how big mine is? It goes to my knees...*sigh* Oh well. Yesterday I also got a Haribo candy called Happy Cola! =D It really takes like coke! :oo it was amazzzzinnnnnnnn!! I'm out of it now..I ish sad. =( I hinted on facebook to Daemon saying to get me some and send them to me with a nice note. Wonder if he'll get it...he never gets my bijillion hints...
--------------------------------------
Next weekend, maybe, I may be going down to the Occupy
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Monday, August 15, 2011
Caity no approves?
I found the best guy ever, and he's not like Victor or Iggy. The bolded words is what pissed me off the worst in this conversation.
- :ppp he's cute. you may not think so but i do :))
- ok. 1) he's ugly as fuck. 2) he lives far away from u. 3) u only get to see him ONCE A YEAR!!
- i thought u were smarter than that
- but obviously ur still a dumb fuck little kid
- no seriously
- WTF WERE U THINKING!??!
- Well apparently I'm stupid. You may think I choose wrong but I'm happy with the guy I choose.
- no seriously tell me. what the fuck is the point of having a boyfriend if he's like an hour away.
- u cant fool around with a guy who lives an hour away and u only see once a year
- i mean.... thats not even a boyfriend. its just a cyber friend that u talk about ur feelings with and sometimes talk dirty with.
- and u already have me for that :PP XD jk.
- Okay, so let me get this straight. I get excited about this new, nice, protective, sweet (and tall) guy I actually like enough to trust with my heart with after Brenda and decide to tell you. You start bashing me, calling me stupid, naive, and a total dumbass and then try to tell me how to deal with my own love live? Gee, thanks.
im not telling u how to deal with ur life im just saying thats not even a boyfriend. the whole point of having a boyfriend is to actually spend time with eachother and kiss and makeout and slam eachother. u cant slam someone who lives that far away. unless u have a webcam and ur into that sortof stuff O-O
im sorry if i made you mad
Back to the blogg post now - I'm pissed. "Im sorry" doesn't cut the fact that all she thinks is I want him for is a sex slave. He's cute and fourteen so in two years he'll probably get his license so he can drive to G-town and then a year after him I get mine so then it's a two way lane. It'll totally work and if it doesn't then it wasn't meant to be but I feel something there that wasn't there with Iggy or Victor, or even Matt or Chris or Lane (football crushes) and she has the NERVE to tell me that I cannot have a long distance relationship because he lives a while away? Hell no. What me and Daemon decide to call it is what we are and she can't dictate that through her thick skull and irritating bratty behavior she gets when I decide to tell her something she doesn't approve of. But she is my best friend and I have to love her at the same time :PP Gggrrrr...why can't she just shut up and realize that it's something that she should be happy about? I'm happy about her boy news. :'(( I'm going to bed now angry, or in pity. I don't know up from down right now so yeah.
Saturday, June 4, 2011
The words I want to say
I still miss you, Gaa, and will always love you. I miss the way you would smile at me through your pain, I miss the way you felt proud of me for every little crappy picture I colored or drew for you and I even miss the way you would open wrapping paper. Even though I know tears won't bring you back, I wish they would because there is so much I miss about you and so much I would like to show you and I want you to see how much I've changed, the friend's I've made and how much I've grown from that tiny little girl who would sit by the window with you. It's been six years without you and I still think about you, how painful it is to listen to certain songs. And the one thing I don't want to remember is the morning when I walked into your room and saw you weren't there...that second I knew something a little girl shouldn't at seven (or eight...). There was still so much I wanted to say to you, so much more time for us to spend time and cuddle and for you just to love me and there is still so much I want to say. You know, every-time I walk into Dad's room I see the hospital style bed you slept in and then it fades.
I may be an arrogant teenager who hasn't thought of you till six years too late but I want you to know I do miss you and love you...you will always have a special place in my heart...I'll always remember that. Even when I'm making out with somebody or cuddling with the stuffed animal you gave me when I sleep, it's my new sleep toy and even though I'm thirteen I feel happy to have something to remember you by. "She wanted you kids to have these." Nana said those words as she handed me and Damon the stuffed animals you had bought us and I will never forget them, or you. You will always be there and I will never EVER regret or feel embarrassed about commemorating you. I love you...always will. <3 Where-ever I am, you're with me. I hope you're happy with where you are.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Leaving!
Now that I've found someone I can trust and can look at without fear or hesitantly or speak to in a soft voice... that I can kiss, that I can cuddle with, that I can admit to making her jacket make me feel safe...they move. :(( Just pick up and move, on the last day of school. I'm torn between two doors...joy and understanding (which is very important in a relationship) and, the second one (the winner), tears and depression and lies to cover it up. What is wrong with me? I begged our own BEST friend to hint her a few questions for me since I don't have the guts to say, "Hey hang out with me." or "I feel neglected..." to my own GIRLFRIEND. Anyway, off to sleep I go with my girlfriend's jacket to slow the tears...maybe I'll just get over her again...why did I even say yes?
5/17/11 </3*breaking inside...*
18 days to go...
~ CHUU *poofs away in mists of memories*
Bombshells
----
Bombshells of
Truth fall upon our
Oblivious heads.
5/17/11 </3*breaking inside...*
18 days to go...
~ CHUU *poofs away in mists of memories*
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Hairstyles and Gays in Religon and General
Today, I commented on a "gays are cool, dont bash them" kinda status on my friend's facebook wall and this one girl came up with "The bible says its wrong although I dont care cause God is gotta get them." *facepalm* If "god" existed then I would be happy with my mother still living with me but you don't see that. So, anyway, I commented back with a "I'm not christan sooo...I care why? Love dont mattah, love is love. Want kids and your gay? Then just adopt" or if you're a girl get a sperm donor. Simple. Easy fix, no sweat. And then you still have your lovely lover, who is also a girl. (My situation but I dont want kids.) And yes, I'm a Bi Witch with the hat and girlfriend to go with.
-------
Earlier I went all girlie, and since I can't braid, twirled my hair into a funky quad-braid! :DDD LMAO I'll post pics and a tut on it soon but I wouldn't suggest walking out with it unless your extraordinarily brave. I'm only doing it to curl my hair so I can get curls in my straight hair for a few hours at least. But my now usual hairstyle, instead of just down and brushed, will be piggietails and gothic black ribbon around the hairtye. :))
-------
Sorry I bored you with my random chit chat and everythin :// lolz night, CHUU *poof*
-------
Earlier I went all girlie, and since I can't braid, twirled my hair into a funky quad-braid! :DDD LMAO I'll post pics and a tut on it soon but I wouldn't suggest walking out with it unless your extraordinarily brave. I'm only doing it to curl my hair so I can get curls in my straight hair for a few hours at least. But my now usual hairstyle, instead of just down and brushed, will be piggietails and gothic black ribbon around the hairtye. :))
-------
Sorry I bored you with my random chit chat and everythin :// lolz night, CHUU *poof*
Monday, May 9, 2011
More on my complicated lovelife
Right now, this song is my theme. Now, I know I'm not being neglected by Iggy 'cause we're the best couple I've ever seen (besides kami and hansie) in secret but there is still a few issues with Iggy (in my eyes). She doesn't ever ask for anything. I can't get into her head. Everyone bashes me 'cause I can get into these relationships but usually I can get into my partners head but it's like she's walled up and won't let anyone in, not even me.
I want her to ask me to hang out with her, I want her to ask me to walk down to the school with her, I want her to ask to push me against a wall and kiss me hard. I want her to just enjoy the little things. Yes, she does enjoy us together, I can see it in her eyes, but she just...doesn't have those things. You think a person like me would say, "HEY whats up!" but I'm too afraid to come off as a brat (I know, I just called myself a brat)...I'm afraid to lose HER. It's just...I can't stand it. I do love her, she loves me and we've been through this twice but I do bear the weight of it all and it's just not cool. I'm not saying every thing in life is easy, cause it's not, but you have to get through it and this I just can't. What do I do?
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Airplanes, Feeling sorry and Relationships
Airplanes
---
Airplanes pass a girl in the sky
And her soul reaches a hand to follow it;
She wishes so to look down and
See people like little ants and
Look out the windows at the night sky
Eye to eye with the hazy clouds she sees in her dreams.
Such an odd wish to be in an airplane during such an hour
To see the darkness on the ground envelope her in metal; safe yet cold...and uncaring.
As she creeps inside to the house of white chalk hue,
She has not one single premonition of the guilt to come.
(c) 2011 CW
feedback is always good. Comment, Follow, email whatevh FEEDBACK :))
Tonight while I took the trash out, I saw an airplane fly so close in the sky I could clearly make out the tail-lights. It made me wonder and wish what would happen if I could climb into it's cargo and curl up and sleep while it took me away...it made me think about how I would feel about being away from the people I love and the life I lead.
---
Also, Ashleigh called like three times 'cause, first, her phone died on her, second, her mom's phone dropped the call and then, last, because she was on her way and couldn't drag away her mom's phone while it was charging. :PP Nana was cooking dinner while Ashleigh came in the door too, she went into MAX pissy mood. It was like, "Dude,I have a friend RIGHT THERE. Are you blind? I see glasses on your face...use them and don't embarrass me while I have a friend in the house!" (DUDE that could be a poem but onto the situation.) After a minute or two of holding up Ashleigh's brother Jeremy, I spoke up and said "I can always take a plastic container." She replied with "Where are any?" (venom in her tone) and then ,out of midget miraculousness,I pulled one out of the counter and left the house.
I thought I would never get out of that place, gosh. But now I feel bad 'cause she actually took the time to cook and then I ditched her. I'll apologize in the car tomorrow or when I get home...I won't regret my leaving as I bet I will have fun tomorrow at the driving range (golf stuff, boring I know.) but I'll still apologize to make my consistence clear and have her see I really do appreciate what she does for me and I know I was wrong to leave and that I'm sorry to abuse her like I did. I feel her pain now, and it hurts :'((
Because I turned my back
--
The yelling...
The fits...
The burning anger that turns into isolation.
At first, I brushed you away without a single thought roaming my mind,
But as the moments ticked away slowly
And my brain comprehended the situation at hand,
I too felt the isolation...as if I was the one laying alone.
I know now that sorry won't put out the flame in your heart or take away last night,
But accept my apology and know I always feel for you
In anger or sadness
And that I appreciate all that you do for me, our family, and yourself importantly.
Please listen as these words roll off this page like mist
Because they overflow from my heart and I want you to listen,
To realize the guilt inside that I feel.
This guilt is a toxic lullaby I swallow with remorse
Because I turned my back for a mere second.
(c) 2011 CW
----
Victor got a girlfriend...guess who. Ashleigh.
I was just getting a feeling for him but when he's not around I'm just me, I'm fine on my own :// LOLZ I feel like a full human being without any arms around me. Yes, it does feel like you have wings on your feet and your dreaming when your in love but you really are dreaming; love doesn't last forever and sadly, I have dealt with such a fall to the ground painfully. I have now felt like a solid human being for three months now and I won't fall from that high a pillar again, NEVER again.
No matter how much I love them...the people you love the most you hurt the most and I'm still sorting out the situation with Elyssa. She does love me and it makes me smile to think she's found someone special but when it's me it's like...I can't make her happy 'cause my whole heart isn't in the relationship and I hate to think of her crying, it makes me cringe in sudden heartache. But, I want out of this...so I too can find happiness. She just wasn't meant for me, and never will be but I hope that after she heals we can be friends cause I really do love her as a friend and never will forget how she much she cared for me even though I protected her for the longest time.
NIGHT ~ hope I didn't bore you with my cruel and insensitive situations I get myself into. :PP lolz have a good night ~chuuuu
---
Airplanes pass a girl in the sky
And her soul reaches a hand to follow it;
She wishes so to look down and
See people like little ants and
Look out the windows at the night sky
Eye to eye with the hazy clouds she sees in her dreams.
Such an odd wish to be in an airplane during such an hour
To see the darkness on the ground envelope her in metal; safe yet cold...and uncaring.
As she creeps inside to the house of white chalk hue,
She has not one single premonition of the guilt to come.
(c) 2011 CW
feedback is always good. Comment, Follow, email whatevh FEEDBACK :))
Tonight while I took the trash out, I saw an airplane fly so close in the sky I could clearly make out the tail-lights. It made me wonder and wish what would happen if I could climb into it's cargo and curl up and sleep while it took me away...it made me think about how I would feel about being away from the people I love and the life I lead.
---
Also, Ashleigh called like three times 'cause, first, her phone died on her, second, her mom's phone dropped the call and then, last, because she was on her way and couldn't drag away her mom's phone while it was charging. :PP Nana was cooking dinner while Ashleigh came in the door too, she went into MAX pissy mood. It was like, "Dude,I have a friend RIGHT THERE. Are you blind? I see glasses on your face...use them and don't embarrass me while I have a friend in the house!" (DUDE that could be a poem but onto the situation.) After a minute or two of holding up Ashleigh's brother Jeremy, I spoke up and said "I can always take a plastic container." She replied with "Where are any?" (venom in her tone) and then ,out of midget miraculousness,I pulled one out of the counter and left the house.
I thought I would never get out of that place, gosh. But now I feel bad 'cause she actually took the time to cook and then I ditched her. I'll apologize in the car tomorrow or when I get home...I won't regret my leaving as I bet I will have fun tomorrow at the driving range (golf stuff, boring I know.) but I'll still apologize to make my consistence clear and have her see I really do appreciate what she does for me and I know I was wrong to leave and that I'm sorry to abuse her like I did. I feel her pain now, and it hurts :'((
Because I turned my back
--
The yelling...
The fits...
The burning anger that turns into isolation.
At first, I brushed you away without a single thought roaming my mind,
But as the moments ticked away slowly
And my brain comprehended the situation at hand,
I too felt the isolation...as if I was the one laying alone.
I know now that sorry won't put out the flame in your heart or take away last night,
But accept my apology and know I always feel for you
In anger or sadness
And that I appreciate all that you do for me, our family, and yourself importantly.
Please listen as these words roll off this page like mist
Because they overflow from my heart and I want you to listen,
To realize the guilt inside that I feel.
This guilt is a toxic lullaby I swallow with remorse
Because I turned my back for a mere second.
(c) 2011 CW
----
Victor got a girlfriend...guess who. Ashleigh.
I was just getting a feeling for him but when he's not around I'm just me, I'm fine on my own :// LOLZ I feel like a full human being without any arms around me. Yes, it does feel like you have wings on your feet and your dreaming when your in love but you really are dreaming; love doesn't last forever and sadly, I have dealt with such a fall to the ground painfully. I have now felt like a solid human being for three months now and I won't fall from that high a pillar again, NEVER again.
No matter how much I love them...the people you love the most you hurt the most and I'm still sorting out the situation with Elyssa. She does love me and it makes me smile to think she's found someone special but when it's me it's like...I can't make her happy 'cause my whole heart isn't in the relationship and I hate to think of her crying, it makes me cringe in sudden heartache. But, I want out of this...so I too can find happiness. She just wasn't meant for me, and never will be but I hope that after she heals we can be friends cause I really do love her as a friend and never will forget how she much she cared for me even though I protected her for the longest time.
NIGHT ~ hope I didn't bore you with my cruel and insensitive situations I get myself into. :PP lolz have a good night ~chuuuu
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)